There once were three brothers, Awt, Bawt and Thawt,
The first two were prized, over them many a wars were fought.
This turned them into philosophers and thinkers,
Their younger brother, however, only came up with stinkers.
After all, there was no Feud for Thawt.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Monday, April 12, 2010
The Strange Case...
Tina Fey was on the verge of lashing out at her audience. She hadn't had a very good start to the day, and though it had improved, right now she was livid.
She had attended the London premiere of 'Date Night' the previous night and was hung-over from all the cocktails at the after-party. She woke up, with a splitting headache, to the realisation that she had a live show in one of the more prestigious stand-up theatres in town.
She was feeling quite pleased with herself by that afternoon having finalised the script and was quite proud of some of the jokes. Quite strange how she agreed to do this show. She had received a mysterious phone call from a Gabriel John Utterson, asking her to perform in London, and though she was skeptical, having never heard of Mr. Utterson, she agreed since the dates fit quite well with her London trip for promoting the movie anyway.
Unbeknownst to her, the mysterious Mr. Utterson was actually Dr. Utterson, trying to investigate a mystery that had had him perplexed for a while.
And now, halfway into her show, Tina Fey was absolutely livid, on the verge of lashing out. Two people at the back of the theatre were continuously heckling her and passing sarcastic remarks, throwing her off rhythm and making her miss punchlines. She controlled her anger and somehow managed to push through the show.
Backstage, she storms up to Mr. (Dr.) Utterson and yells at him, as she sees him actually talking to those two people quite politely.
"Who the hell do these people think they are!!!? They ruined my show, I will take them to court, and you too Gabriel, if I have to!!!"
"Calm down, calm down", Utterson said, "they didn't do it on purpose. It is just who they are".
"Tina Fey" he says gesturing towards them, "meet Dr. Heckle and Mr. Snide"
:-/
She had attended the London premiere of 'Date Night' the previous night and was hung-over from all the cocktails at the after-party. She woke up, with a splitting headache, to the realisation that she had a live show in one of the more prestigious stand-up theatres in town.
She was feeling quite pleased with herself by that afternoon having finalised the script and was quite proud of some of the jokes. Quite strange how she agreed to do this show. She had received a mysterious phone call from a Gabriel John Utterson, asking her to perform in London, and though she was skeptical, having never heard of Mr. Utterson, she agreed since the dates fit quite well with her London trip for promoting the movie anyway.
Unbeknownst to her, the mysterious Mr. Utterson was actually Dr. Utterson, trying to investigate a mystery that had had him perplexed for a while.
And now, halfway into her show, Tina Fey was absolutely livid, on the verge of lashing out. Two people at the back of the theatre were continuously heckling her and passing sarcastic remarks, throwing her off rhythm and making her miss punchlines. She controlled her anger and somehow managed to push through the show.
Backstage, she storms up to Mr. (Dr.) Utterson and yells at him, as she sees him actually talking to those two people quite politely.
"Who the hell do these people think they are!!!? They ruined my show, I will take them to court, and you too Gabriel, if I have to!!!"
"Calm down, calm down", Utterson said, "they didn't do it on purpose. It is just who they are".
"Tina Fey" he says gesturing towards them, "meet Dr. Heckle and Mr. Snide"
:-/
Friday, February 19, 2010
Pain in the ass...
Ben, Harry, Jerry, Sean, Tom, Jim, Percy, Ron and Chris planned a day out. They went and watched 'Final Destination 3' and then went to the amusement park to ride the roller coaster.
They sat on the ride and strapped themselves in. Then suddenly Ron, the party pooper in the otherwise enthusiastic group, had a premonition and a muscle in his bum started spasming uncontrollably.
He yelled at all his friends to get off the ride and all of them got off, if a little reluctantly.
And what do you know, like in the movie they had just watched, the ride did crash, killing everyone on it!!!
Then Ben aptly observed, "Ass twitch in time, saved nine"
They sat on the ride and strapped themselves in. Then suddenly Ron, the party pooper in the otherwise enthusiastic group, had a premonition and a muscle in his bum started spasming uncontrollably.
He yelled at all his friends to get off the ride and all of them got off, if a little reluctantly.
And what do you know, like in the movie they had just watched, the ride did crash, killing everyone on it!!!
Then Ben aptly observed, "Ass twitch in time, saved nine"
Groovy Movie...
The teller at the Bellagio, Las Vegas was pissed off, and with good reason!
She had been using Groove, the Microsoft Office product which synchronises data across multiple computers, and it worked like a dream, coordinating across multiple cash collection points across the huge casino.
Now, out of the blue, MS had revoked their license on a whim, and she was determined to not let the matter go lightly.
She sued the living daylights out of MS and as you know, 'the house never loses' so she did finally win the case.
This was made into movie and it was called "House Teller got her Groove back"
She had been using Groove, the Microsoft Office product which synchronises data across multiple computers, and it worked like a dream, coordinating across multiple cash collection points across the huge casino.
Now, out of the blue, MS had revoked their license on a whim, and she was determined to not let the matter go lightly.
She sued the living daylights out of MS and as you know, 'the house never loses' so she did finally win the case.
This was made into movie and it was called "House Teller got her Groove back"
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Black Magic Chairman
Satyam Chairman B. Ramalinga Raju, has sent a notice to SEBI that he is going to pursue a career in Magic (not to be confused with the band Magik, from Rock On. In this case he prefers to stand in the audience, and face the music)
He said he is really sad that he has to leave his company at such a crucial juncture, but he just cannot keep the world in the dark (any longer) about the amazing skills he has acquired and honed while at the helm of the IT Company. He has taken all the credit for skills acquired and refuses to share the limelight with anyone, with the possible exception of the auditors, PriceWaterhouseCoopers.
His first trick will be a relatively simple one, where he will conjure a rabbit out of a little girl’s ear. This is actually a combination of two tricks, namely conjuring a coin from behind a little girl’s ear and pulling a rabbit out of a hat. He has decided he will perform this trick in an open fair (Mela, if you will) where he will have easy access to hats and rabbits. So all he is going to do is conjure up the money and then buy her a rabbit. He said this trick will then be extended to conjuring a nuclear weapon as soon as they are available in the open market.
P C Sorcar has not taken too kindly to this as he is afraid it will mean a fall in business for him because our hero BRR (like a chill down your spine, I know!!) has easy access to technology whereby he can beam his performances across the country instantaneously. That is, of course assuming that the company is as widespread as it says it is in the Annual Report.
We hear David Blaine is thinking about suing him because walking on roads and random areas, and trying to scare the sh** out of people is his trademark style. But since BRR is still trying to hone his invisibility trick (disapparition for the Harry Potter fans), we are not sure if he can ‘appear’ in court.
In unrelated news, all journalists, headhunters etc. were sent an anonymous notice whereby any news item or job application pertaining to audit companies was to be published/advertised/pimped (where applicable), the term ‘Big 4’ is to be replaced by ‘Thankful 3’
P.S: For those who went through this random article and feel like it was pointless, thank you, I wasn’t sure I’d achieve what I set out to.
Here is something interesting though. Michael Lewis’ article on this fuck-fest called the financial crisis.
He said he is really sad that he has to leave his company at such a crucial juncture, but he just cannot keep the world in the dark (any longer) about the amazing skills he has acquired and honed while at the helm of the IT Company. He has taken all the credit for skills acquired and refuses to share the limelight with anyone, with the possible exception of the auditors, PriceWaterhouseCoopers.
His first trick will be a relatively simple one, where he will conjure a rabbit out of a little girl’s ear. This is actually a combination of two tricks, namely conjuring a coin from behind a little girl’s ear and pulling a rabbit out of a hat. He has decided he will perform this trick in an open fair (Mela, if you will) where he will have easy access to hats and rabbits. So all he is going to do is conjure up the money and then buy her a rabbit. He said this trick will then be extended to conjuring a nuclear weapon as soon as they are available in the open market.
P C Sorcar has not taken too kindly to this as he is afraid it will mean a fall in business for him because our hero BRR (like a chill down your spine, I know!!) has easy access to technology whereby he can beam his performances across the country instantaneously. That is, of course assuming that the company is as widespread as it says it is in the Annual Report.
We hear David Blaine is thinking about suing him because walking on roads and random areas, and trying to scare the sh** out of people is his trademark style. But since BRR is still trying to hone his invisibility trick (disapparition for the Harry Potter fans), we are not sure if he can ‘appear’ in court.
In unrelated news, all journalists, headhunters etc. were sent an anonymous notice whereby any news item or job application pertaining to audit companies was to be published/advertised/pimped (where applicable), the term ‘Big 4’ is to be replaced by ‘Thankful 3’
P.S: For those who went through this random article and feel like it was pointless, thank you, I wasn’t sure I’d achieve what I set out to.
Here is something interesting though. Michael Lewis’ article on this fuck-fest called the financial crisis.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
A rose by any other name…
“What’s in a name?” …..um….someone asked. Well, here are a couple of examples, I am sure, would beg to differ.
There is a certain brand of Indian sanitaryware that is, according to me, one of the most aptly named products in the world. I am talking about the brand ‘Hindware’ which you happen to see every time “You tinkle or poo, or just go to the loo” (sorry, couldn’t resist a good(?!?!) rhyme)
I really want to meet the people who came up with the name, and congratulate them on the bold, possibly intentional, decision.
Also, a lot of Indian stores think adding an ‘e’ at the end of an ordinary English word makes it exotic-sounding. I saw one such example in Bhubaneswar, called ‘Secrete’ and I think the person who came up with the name was so lost in making it sound exotic that he/she/it forgot that there was an English word which did not ‘ooze’ sensuality (which was the intention I guess because it was a lingerie boutique)
And finally, ‘Cox & Kings’, not a very inspiring name for a hot-blooded, heterosexual, single male looking to enjoy a holiday and meet random people. "Oh no", they seem to be saying, "meeting ‘Queens’ are for the ordinary folks. With us, you will meet the infinitely superior ‘Kings’." And please oh please, do not get me started on the first part of the name!
Ciao.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Krazzy 4! 4! 4! 4! (The sound effect through most of what is magnanimously called a movie)
Indianised (butchered?!) versions of great western movies like Snatch, The Rock (well, good in its own genre) have fallen flat on their face, so you’d think that an average movie like ‘The Dream Team’ will not be a good ‘inspiration’. You'd be right.
I am guessing you will read/hear reviews ripping the movie apart, so will focus on a few points that pissed me off like hell!
The movie is, well, a-long-drawn-pain-in-the-ass flick, with the only originality apparent in the whole movie being the fact that they have managed to invent an entirely new genre.
The movie is about 4 ‘differently-abled’ individuals who have a day-out planned with their psychiatrist (played by a visibly aged and plump, but still very cute, Juhi Chawla) but because of events that unfold, they are left to fend for themselves in the big, bad city.
The patients are Arshad Warsi (who suffers from ‘Intermittent Explosive Temper Disorder’!), Irrfan Khan (Obsessive Compulsive ‘Personality’ Disorder), Rajpal Yadav (Schizophrenia) and Suresh Menon (Constipation, at both ends). Arshad Warsi could have been the one with OCD, the way he is obsessed with running his hands through his hair throughout the movie.
The cinematography was atrocious, when you think about the scenes (Why on God’s green earth would anyone want to do that? Good question!)
In the shots from inside the Innova, it looks like a cheap handycam was used, and the man ‘manning’ the camera was (understandably?) more interested in the interiors of the vehicle than the mundane story playing out outside.
Or the extreme talent required in editing the scenes where Dabbu (Suresh Menon) is trying to get rid of the dog trying to bite him. You almost don’t notice that Suresh Menon and the dog are not shown in the same frame. Just a pair of legs in bright orangish-pink three-fourths which statistics show would probably be worn by no other guy in Bombay anyway.
Or why a camera was placed inside a dustbin to capture the discarding of a chips packet which had no relevance to the story. My bad, that is true of most of the scenes in the movie.
The product placements were impeccable! All vehicles used in the movie were Toyotas and reversed into the camera to drive the point home. Aaj Tak is one of the most popular news channels, so no wonder it is all over the place (Dia Miza on the other hand, has no such excuse).
All the movie was lacking was showing Colin, the surface stain cleaner which Irrfan Khan could have used to try and clean the tattoo from Rakhi Sawant’s ‘lower waist’. And maybe a few inches of cellulite from her body. And some shampoo for her, but I digress.
I could go on and on (well, I already did) but I don’t want to waste any more of your time. And for anyone to make sense (really?!) of this review, you will have to have seen the movie. So those of you who can’t make head or tail of it, “You lucky $#@*&”
The saving grace of the whole movie is possibly the catchy beginning of the title song (though I still prefer ‘The Thump’ and the dance in that ad) and of course the fact that it ends (not a minute too soon and actually 120 minutes too late)
I am guessing you will read/hear reviews ripping the movie apart, so will focus on a few points that pissed me off like hell!
The movie is, well, a-long-drawn-pain-in-the-ass flick, with the only originality apparent in the whole movie being the fact that they have managed to invent an entirely new genre.
The movie is about 4 ‘differently-abled’ individuals who have a day-out planned with their psychiatrist (played by a visibly aged and plump, but still very cute, Juhi Chawla) but because of events that unfold, they are left to fend for themselves in the big, bad city.
The patients are Arshad Warsi (who suffers from ‘Intermittent Explosive Temper Disorder’!), Irrfan Khan (Obsessive Compulsive ‘Personality’ Disorder), Rajpal Yadav (Schizophrenia) and Suresh Menon (Constipation, at both ends). Arshad Warsi could have been the one with OCD, the way he is obsessed with running his hands through his hair throughout the movie.
The cinematography was atrocious, when you think about the scenes (Why on God’s green earth would anyone want to do that? Good question!)
In the shots from inside the Innova, it looks like a cheap handycam was used, and the man ‘manning’ the camera was (understandably?) more interested in the interiors of the vehicle than the mundane story playing out outside.
Or the extreme talent required in editing the scenes where Dabbu (Suresh Menon) is trying to get rid of the dog trying to bite him. You almost don’t notice that Suresh Menon and the dog are not shown in the same frame. Just a pair of legs in bright orangish-pink three-fourths which statistics show would probably be worn by no other guy in Bombay anyway.
Or why a camera was placed inside a dustbin to capture the discarding of a chips packet which had no relevance to the story. My bad, that is true of most of the scenes in the movie.
The product placements were impeccable! All vehicles used in the movie were Toyotas and reversed into the camera to drive the point home. Aaj Tak is one of the most popular news channels, so no wonder it is all over the place (Dia Miza on the other hand, has no such excuse).
All the movie was lacking was showing Colin, the surface stain cleaner which Irrfan Khan could have used to try and clean the tattoo from Rakhi Sawant’s ‘lower waist’. And maybe a few inches of cellulite from her body. And some shampoo for her, but I digress.
I could go on and on (well, I already did) but I don’t want to waste any more of your time. And for anyone to make sense (really?!) of this review, you will have to have seen the movie. So those of you who can’t make head or tail of it, “You lucky $#@*&”
The saving grace of the whole movie is possibly the catchy beginning of the title song (though I still prefer ‘The Thump’ and the dance in that ad) and of course the fact that it ends (not a minute too soon and actually 120 minutes too late)
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