A rose by any other name…

“What’s in a name?” …..um….someone asked. Well, here are a couple of examples, I am sure, would beg to differ.

There is a certain brand of Indian sanitaryware that is, according to me, one of the most aptly named products in the world. I am talking about the brand ‘Hindware’ which you happen to see every time “You tinkle or poo, or just go to the loo” (sorry, couldn’t resist a good(?!?!) rhyme)

I really want to meet the people who came up with the name, and congratulate them on the bold, possibly intentional, decision.

Also, a lot of Indian stores think adding an ‘e’ at the end of an ordinary English word makes it exotic-sounding. I saw one such example in Bhubaneswar, called ‘Secrete’ and I think the person who came up with the name was so lost in making it sound exotic that he/she/it forgot that there was an English word which did not ‘ooze’ sensuality (which was the intention I guess because it was a lingerie boutique)

And finally, ‘Cox & Kings’, not a very inspiring name for a hot-blooded, heterosexual, single male looking to enjoy a holiday and meet random people. "Oh no", they seem to be saying, "meeting ‘Queens’ are for the ordinary folks. With us, you will meet the infinitely superior ‘Kings’." And please oh please, do not get me started on the first part of the name!

Keep an eye out for more additions to this list people, could always use a good laugh, like the time I saw a signboard outside a place that served cold beer in Diu. ‘Child Bear’

Ciao.

Krazzy 4! 4! 4! 4! (The sound effect through most of what is magnanimously called a movie)

Indianised (butchered?!) versions of great western movies like Snatch, The Rock (well, good in its own genre) have fallen flat on their face, so you’d think that an average movie like ‘The Dream Team’ will not be a good ‘inspiration’. You'd be right.

I am guessing you will read/hear reviews ripping the movie apart, so will focus on a few points that pissed me off like hell!

The movie is, well, a-long-drawn-pain-in-the-ass flick, with the only originality apparent in the whole movie being the fact that they have managed to invent an entirely new genre.

The movie is about 4 ‘differently-abled’ individuals who have a day-out planned with their psychiatrist (played by a visibly aged and plump, but still very cute, Juhi Chawla) but because of events that unfold, they are left to fend for themselves in the big, bad city.
The patients are Arshad Warsi (who suffers from ‘Intermittent Explosive Temper Disorder’!), Irrfan Khan (Obsessive Compulsive ‘Personality’ Disorder), Rajpal Yadav (Schizophrenia) and Suresh Menon (Constipation, at both ends). Arshad Warsi could have been the one with OCD, the way he is obsessed with running his hands through his hair throughout the movie.

The cinematography was atrocious, when you think about the scenes (Why on God’s green earth would anyone want to do that? Good question!)
In the shots from inside the Innova, it looks like a cheap handycam was used, and the man ‘manning’ the camera was (understandably?) more interested in the interiors of the vehicle than the mundane story playing out outside.
Or the extreme talent required in editing the scenes where Dabbu (Suresh Menon) is trying to get rid of the dog trying to bite him. You almost don’t notice that Suresh Menon and the dog are not shown in the same frame. Just a pair of legs in bright orangish-pink three-fourths which statistics show would probably be worn by no other guy in Bombay anyway.
Or why a camera was placed inside a dustbin to capture the discarding of a chips packet which had no relevance to the story. My bad, that is true of most of the scenes in the movie.

The product placements were impeccable! All vehicles used in the movie were Toyotas and reversed into the camera to drive the point home. Aaj Tak is one of the most popular news channels, so no wonder it is all over the place (Dia Miza on the other hand, has no such excuse).
All the movie was lacking was showing Colin, the surface stain cleaner which Irrfan Khan could have used to try and clean the tattoo from Rakhi Sawant’s ‘lower waist’. And maybe a few inches of cellulite from her body. And some shampoo for her, but I digress.

I could go on and on (well, I already did) but I don’t want to waste any more of your time. And for anyone to make sense (really?!) of this review, you will have to have seen the movie. So those of you who can’t make head or tail of it, “You lucky $#@*&”

The saving grace of the whole movie is possibly the catchy beginning of the title song (though I still prefer ‘The Thump’ and the dance in that ad) and of course the fact that it ends (not a minute too soon and actually 120 minutes too late)

That sinking feeling...

My first post and I couldn’t think of a topic.

Typical of me. This post is coming around a week after I finally came across a name I liked for the URL and around 2-3 years after I joined Blogger. Yes, I have stifled my creative instinct all this while for want of a horse-shoe nail......er.....blog name.

And now there goes that excuse, damn...! I finally gave up on trying to come up with a brilliant name for the blog, and settled for this one after the finding Vonnegut’s ‘Breakfast of Champions’ peppered (no pun intended) with it.

I do not claim to write well, at all. I know a lot of people who do though, and me being the optimist that I am, am hoping some of their creativity has rubbed off on me. I have a sinking feeling about that now and with every sentence I write, it sinks further.

I haven’t a clue as to what I plan to write about. Maybe just post a few jokes and anecdotes and any random thing which happens to catch my eye. Nothing that makes any sense, for sure. So basically, ‘doodley-squat’ and hence the name.

For the few lost souls who come across this blog and do read it, Happy reading!

237 meters below sea level.